One Thing at a Time

If you have been following my blog for a while you know that I love running monthly experiments. Things I want to try, new skills to pick up, habits to change. It usually ends up looking like a laundry list of to do items.

1. Meditate for 5 minutes a day
2. Walk for 30 minutes a day
3. Crossfit 4 times a week
4. Only 1 treat meal a week
5. Read 40 pages daily
6. Blog 2x a week
7. Do 25 double unders a day
8. Do 10 pull ups a day

Something like that. You get the idea.  Recently however I have noticed that I get a panicked feeling when looking at my daily to do list. My experiments are turning out to be not so much fun and end the month I am not accomplishing what I thought I would.

A while ago a seed was implanted in my brain from my Precision Nutrition course. It was an idea that seemed crazy. It was brought up again recently in an email from a friend that made me take another look at it. The idea is focusing on 1 new habit at a time. Once you master that one, you move to the next one. Those of us pursuing better health know that it requires a balance of good nutrition, exercise, stress management and quality sleep. So what happens when you take all this in at the same time and you are trying to eat 20+ grams of protein with every meal, get more veggies, get to the gym 4 to 5 times a week,  break that diet soda habit, try meditation and long walks, work on getting 8 hours of sleep and read books, blogs etc to help improve self awareness and loving-kindness? Of course this is in addition to the job, kids and whatever other social obligations you have.  It is a bit crazy making.

How do you do it differently, deliberately and probably with better long term success? One habit at a time.  Focus on getting 30g of protein at breakfast and that is all. Declare success that day.  Only tackle your diet soda habit.  Perhaps working on getting an extra 30-60 minutes of sleep each night is where your focus is.  The idea is to pick one thing, focus on it, accomplish what you are going after, make it a habit and build confidence. Very few of us can completely change our way of eating over night and then if we can it is usually for the short term. Wouldn't it be better to move slowly,  making progress and have greater success in the long run?

I admit. The idea of this one thing at a time gave me heart palpitations. How can I only work on 1 thing?! There are so many things I want to do! What I am finding so far is that it makes the daunting seem achievable. I stress out when I think I have to tighten up my diet that may have strayed a bit far off the fatloss path. I love my wine, cream in my tea and treats when I feel like it. If I think, I only need to cut out sugar during the week. I will leave the wine and cream alone for right now. That feels better and less anxiety producing to me.  Chances are I will have better success in not trying to approach it with no more wine, cream or sugar and feeling super deprived which makes me cranky which makes me end up blowing it all anyway on some kind of binge.

More on this later as I continue to see how this plays out in my learning journey.  I really challenge you to consider it. It could be the key to long term success with health that you were looking for!

Don't Waste Your Time!

Over the past few months, I have strengthened my belief that negative self talk is a complete waste of time.  So many of my women friends (and perhaps my male friends too although we don't spend too much time talking about these things) beat the crap out of themselves.  Energy focused on berating themselves for thick thighs, not having wash board abs, not looking like you are ready to step onto a magazine cover or  for not being as strong today in a workout as you might have been yesterday, what ever it might be.

None of us know how long we will have to be here.  We may live a long life of 90+ years or it may end this afternoon.  Regardless, do you REALLY want to spend any of that precious time kicking the crap out of yourself?

I heard a story the other day that I thought was powerful. Two friends are talking as they are getting ready to go out to a party.  One of the friends was struggling with a serious illness.  The other friend asked if her dress made her look fat. Her sick friend replied "You don't have that kind of time".  I loved that. We don't have that kind of time to be letting thoughts keep us from being present, from connecting, from being our wonderful true selves.

Those negative thoughts are all just stories and patterns in our brain.  It takes time and practice but once you become aware of those thought patterns they can be changed.  You can be present. You can be your amazing you. Greet each day as the amazing gift that it is. We have no idea how many we get.  Don't waste any more of your time.

Desperate (but not serious)

Finding my mojo post injury has been a struggle.  I have put on some pounds and honestly, workouts that I previously did now make me nervous.  I swing between being at peace with being slow, steady and coming back with better form to being in despair about the strength that I have lost.  I flip back and forth between just eating whole nourishing food and scrambling for a tight, restrictive plan to get my eating back on track.  I have gone through the whole "its not fair" blame game - totally playing the victim role.  In deep anxiety about my expanding waist line, I have been desperate to find THE plan that will solve everything - make me lean, make it easy to turn down wine or chocolate, make me never struggle with food again.   Magic pill anyone? :)  And this is coming from some one who has consulted with nutritionists for years,  bought countless plans from various trainers and holds two nutrition certifications herself.  ha!

Then through some journaling and listening to some pretty wise people, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes "The struggle is what teaches".   So apparently, I still have lots of learning to do in this area.  (yay learning!!)

Here is what my struggle has been teaching:
1) Holy crap! When you are struggling and fighting with something so hard, take a damn minute, slow down and figure out what you need to learn here.  Its much better than wallowing in that particular emotion.

2) I am choosing to be in victim mode. I can also choose to change my attitude.  Being a little plumper is hard? Bitch please. Losing some one you love is hard.  Dealing with a terminal illness is hard.  Living with my jeans being a little snugger after not working out for almost two months when I have a healthy body, a beautiful family, amazing friends and an in general dreamy life? I think I will be ok.

3) My search for the next plan that would solve all my problems is focusing on controlling the food and not with all the other stuff that is going on.  I can't do weight loss from a control stand point for very long. The harder I fight to control the more I break and binge big time.  Making choices daily, minute by minute, that come from a place of love and self-acceptance? Now THAT can get me some where.


Upon reflection, I think my mojo is back post injury.  It just looks and feels different than it did before so I guess I didn't recognize it.   I am spending time doing workouts that bring me joy. I get filled with joy in nourishing my body. Every thing else will settle out. While I feel better personally being a little leaner, I am not a better person because I am leaner. I am me at any weight or body fat percentage.  And that is cool with me.

Books That Have Helped Me Make Shifts in Ways of Being

This year has been a big year of mental shifts for me. There are many things I can attribute to why this happened (coaching group, deliberate practice, just getting a wee bit older, etc) but one piece I would like to share about is some books that I have read.

These three books have helped me be different in this world. Happier.

1. Loving What Is  by Byron Katie -  With her simple set of questions, what she refers to as "The Work" she helps you see that you don't have to believe your thoughts and that arguing with reality causes suffering.
1. Is it True?
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be with out that thought?

I haven't internalized all that this book contains and some of the concepts that she addresses are hard for me to grasp but I get it enough to know that this is an important tool.  It has helped me separate reality from my story that I bring to what is happening. Powerful beyond measure.  By the way, she gives all of this information away for free on her website.

2. Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life by Ben Tal-Shahar
I have never considered myself a perfectionist. I feel like I am a "good enough" kind of person. However, this book really struck home for me in several ways. It made me see how in certain areas I was setting impossibly high standards that I could never meet and there for living in constant disappointment with myself.  It also stated another point which I talked about in more detail in a previous blog post, that there is an assumption that happy people must be happy all the time and that if you are not then you are not really happy.  This of course is not true. As obvious as it might be to some, this was a mind blowing realization to me. It allowed me to think that maybe I am a happier person than I thought even though I do have mood swings and get sad.  I am happier person on a daily basis with this realization.

3. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - I started this book as more of a "have to" read. It chronicles a writer taking on a one year project to be happier. Every month she has new things to try. As you all may know I am a HUGE fan of running monthly experiments! There are many resolutions that she tries that I like a lot. I think the biggest piece I am taking away however is make time for what you are passionate about and forget results.  That is inspiring me to focus on a month of learning new things every day. I am passionate about learning... really for the sake of learning and not to get me anywhere. So I am going to purposely track learning one new thing each day for a month and see how I enjoy that.  The forget about results part is pretty interesting too.  For me for body image stuff, I had been driving for so long to get six pack abs or a low body fat percentage and I was making myself miserable. Now? I focus on filling up with nourishing food, delightful culinary experiences and challenging my body in ways that bring me joy.  I am much happier and you know what? I did NOT balloon up to 200lbs!

What books have brought about big changes in your life?

An Interesting Place

A few weeks ago I hurt my back while working out.  (Don't blame Crossfit. It happens.)  These weeks have really been an interesting journey.  Emotionally I have been all over - in disbelief that it happened, sadness at feeling like I may be losing the muscle and strength I have gained over the past few years, desperation in dealing with the moment to moment chronic pain and relief at getting a chance to step back and rest.

Lessons I have learned while injured:

1. It is REALLY easy to get used to not working out. You all know I am a workout freak. I love Crossfitting and was doing it 5 days a week.  Now I am back to having it scheduled on my calendar and thinking "well I could work out now or I could go and do X,Y and Z". I now have a little more sympathy for those who fall off the wagon or have never started working out at all.

2. There is no "there" to get to.  I believe good work outs consist of lifting heavy things and sprinting. Neither of which I can do right now. It started me in a bit of a panic. Who am I with out that? How the hell do I work out any other way?  Breathe. Its going to be ok. A few months of not doing that is not going to suddenly make me an obese couch potato.  I am working on shifting my perspective to joyfully explore what my body can and can't do now and discover new ways of working out.

3. Maybe 5 days a week of Crossfit is too much for me. This injury has also helped me refocus on dealing with my fatigue.  It is something I have been trying to trouble shoot for years.  Ideally I am hoping it can be solved through good nutrition, proper sleep and stress management.  I met recently with a paleo nutritionist to see if there was anything else I could be doing in regards to heal possible adrenal burn out.  Her first recommendation is not to Crossfit 5 days a week. Ugh. What? Of course at the moment I am doing 0 days a week. Part of my plan going forward is 3 days a week and long walks on the other days.  THAT is going to be a big adjustment.

4. Focusing eating on nourishing my body is so much more fun than thinking about fat loss. I have been using this time to maximize on my nutrition. I am making an effort to try and give my body all the nutrients that it needs to heal the best it can. That has felt so good having my eating just focused on just nourishing my body... which of course does my brain pretty good as well.  Meal times feel more relaxed and oddly my cravings for wine and sugar have really dropped off.  huh.

What have your injury or down times taught you?

The Happiness Assumption

I am not sure if many of you know but I am participating in a coaching group this year with a small group of women and it is headed up by Jill Coleman, who if you don't know her... find her and see what she is all about. My life is better because she is in it.   Anyway... each month we get a book to read. This month it is Being Happy by Tal Ben-Shahar.   I am only a little ways through the book at the moment but I am blow away by two concepts and I can't wait to see what else I learn from this book.

1) Assumption of happy people always happy - The author talks to a wide spread assumption that he covered through talking to people about happiness. It is the thought that "that truly happy people are some how immune from feeling sadness, fear and anxiety of from experienceing failures and set backs in life. " It is a sign of perfectionism.

Now I would not have consider myself a perfectionist. If you know me I try to be a comfy, casual, roll with it person.  However, I have spent many an hour beating the crap out of myself for feeling more sad or moody than I feel like I should with the amazing life I have. In essence, I completely buy in that happy people should always be completely, floating on the clouds happy.  Huh. Will need to think and practice around this one a little more.

2) The book provided an insight to me on at least one reason Crossfit makes people better.  - "Taking on challenges instead of avoiding them has a great long-term effect on our self-esteem more than winning or losing, failing or succeeding.  Paradoxically our overall self confidence and our belief in our own ability to deal with set backs may be reinforced when we fail, because we realize that the beast we had always feared-failure-is not as terrifying as we thought it was. "

I get a chance at least several times a week to feel afraid. I see a workout that makes me start thinking "I can't do this, it is too hard." I get that deep pit in my stomach that makes me want to run, get in my car and go home.  But I do the workout anyway. Some days I just barely get through, some times I thrive. Either way I know I am a better person for it on the other side and I am happy that I made the choice to stay.  It is good to have it confirmed that facing challenges regularly is good for the self-esteem.

The Hourglass

Recently the image of an hourglass has been popping up in my brain frequently.  For me it is a visual of how life is moving...second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour. This is how we experience life whether we are aware of it or not.  Before long, years pass and we are at the end of the journey. Tara Brach, a meditation teacher, often talks about reciting "...and this moment...and this moment" bringing your self to the presence of each moment that comes to us and really thinking about how what is important is really just the minute that is in front of us that we are experiencing.

I actually really like thinking of life like this as it is simply the way life unfolds. The hourglass reminds me to be here and be with what ever life is bringing in the moment.  The image makes it clear to me that  life changes. Whatever is going on be it beautiful, stressful, boring, exciting, hunger, pain, joy it will all pass and change.

In the present moment, you can't be regretful about the past. You cannot be worried about the future. You are just here.

If being present is not a regular practice for you, I recommend trying it.  Simply bring your focus to what is going on in front of you where ever you are... in front of your computer, at a meal, at a stop light, in a meeting or during a workout.

What are the sounds here? Where is my breath? What all am I observing? How does my body feel?

While I try to do this with as many minutes as I can during the day, I do love it during my workouts.  It takes away the fear. I don't focus "I can't do this" instead what does my body need to be doing here? How are my feet moving? How does that bar bell feel in my hands? Wow, my lungs and heart are working! I can feel it.  More often than not being present during a workout fills me with gratitude for a body capable of doing what it does, a community that I love and a connection with getting to be doing what I love and that is better to me than any time or PR.

Why this is important? Our lives pass us by one minute at a time. Being present as often as possible allows us to "be" better with the time, more connected with what is happening right in front of us and it allows us to be aware of all the things that are around us that remind us that we are alive.