How Do you Know?

How do you know if you need to give up on a goal?

I have dubbed each of the last 3 years "The Year of the Abs".   I was sure in each of those years I would have abs worthy of showing off.  Those of you who see me in person can attest to the fact that I have never come close to meeting that goal. I am planning for another year ahead and wanting it to be big as I turn 40 in September.  I am desperately afraid of it being too late for me to be super fit.  I am also desperately afraid of failing again.

I have heard people say you have to want it bad enough.  I feel like I do. I dream about it.  Touching my stomach is the first thing I do in the morning - in case it has gotten flatter or to remind me where I am in relation to where I want to be. I feel like it is always at the top of what I want and what I am missing in my life.
But maybe I don't want it bad enough to pursue it to the detriment of other things that I want in my life. I am not one of those fiercely competitive, win at all costs people. As a matter of fact, I tend to feel bad when I win. In telling my husband about sprints we were running at CrossFit one day. I was like "yeah I felt bad I totally beat this girl on the first heat".  He asked me why in the world I would feel bad about that. I didn't know. I am also not one of those people who can sacrifice it all to meet a goal.  I like to be comfy. I don't do well with strict guidelines. I tend to crash and burn. But is not that I don't like putting in the hard work. I crossfit for pete's sake. I have run 2 marathons and 6 halfs and completed 'probably the world's toughest race' the Tough Mudder.  I can get the hard stuff done.

I work to be knowledgeable. I hired a nutrition coach for 6 months. I had very good success here and probably the best abs I have ever had but they were no where near  "working out in a sports bra only" worthy.  I read what ever I can get my hands out about working out and nutrition. I don't eat gluten and I am probably 85% paleo compliant (cream in my tea and a glass of wine are my last hold outs).

I have let the goals come and go. If there is no consequence for not meeting it then who cares if I miss it? If I continually disappoint myself, why does it matter if there is one more disappointment?

Am I sounding whiny yet?  Yeah - I am probably a bit in my pity pot.

In examining this particular area for goals this year I am wondering what I should do.  How do you know if a goal you set is not something you are really capable of? Maybe mentally I just don't have the grit to get it done.  How do I get peace around that?  In thinking about why this goal is important to me - what would it mean if I accomplished this? My sister asked me - what would it mean if I didn't have the beautiful ripped abs that I want? I don't know.

One of my goals for the year is to better hear the stories that I tell myself. You know those insidious messages that echo in our head telling us things we think are true about ourselves but really are just tenacious patterns that can be changed.

• Maybe there is a story here that I need to hear and to change.
• Maybe I need a date goal that really matters (stepping on stage, a CF competition, wearing a bikini on the beach on my 40th bday and having to take a pic to be shared on facebook - regardless of how it looks).  
• Maybe I just need to appreciate the strong healthy body that I have and stop wishing that it looked like something else. 

How do you know?

Does your behavior match your goals?

I am reading Dan John's book Never Let Go. One of the best books I have read in a while. I find it inspiring and funny. If you have any interest in weightlifting or getting stronger I highly recommend it.

In a section about goals, Dan asks the question "Does your behavior match your goals?" I thought this was wonderful food for thought.

Are you wanting fat loss but

• not taking a time to plan and purchase healthy food choices?
• find yourself eating food like cheese burger and fries because you "deserve" it after a hard workout?
• binge on the weekends when your schedule relaxes?
• not asking your friends and family to support your goals and not to sabotage you?

Are you wanting to be more financially stable but

• not taking time to define what that really means?
• don't have a plan to get yourself out of debit?
• continue to buy things you can't afford or don't need?

These questions can be applied to any goal these are just some common examples.

Of course first you need to know your goals (make sure they are worded as specifically as possible) and then ask yourself how your behaviors are aligning (or not!) with your goal.

Right now I am happy to report that in asking myself this question that my behaviors are in fact lining up. My 2 biggest goals at the moment are to get leaner (18% body fat by July 15th - I am at 22 now) and to get stronger. For the leaner part, my diet is consistently clean and I am getting the workouts in that I need to. Now the second goal is vague because I need more information before setting some specific guidelines. That means this month I am focusing on learning more about certain lifts and to have figured out by the end of the month what my 1) go to working weight is and 2) my max weight on these lifts. I am going to crossfit to push myself, looking at videos on line to learn more about proper form in lifts and setting up some one on one sessions with another trainer to get my form evaluated and to help figure out a baseline for weights.

Now I am not pointing fingers here.. this question is to merely help your internal dialogue and help you move towards accomplishing your goal. I have spent plenty of time setting goals, engaging in behavior that takes me further away from my goals and then whined and complained about how life was hard and its not fair. :)

Would love to hear from any one in what this question brings up and are you finding that your behaviors are or are not in line with your goals!

Peace out!

10000 Challenge

This past week I started a new challenge. It is from Leigh Peele who is one of my favorite people to get nutrition information from. Here is the link for the challenge specific information. http://www.10000challenge.com/

I am pretty excited about this challenge because it is not set up around fat loss - although you can certainly structure it that way if you would like. It has several different facets to it - activity, self improvement, progress on goals, cooking, mobility training, resistance training, conquering fear, being outside...so many good things.

Here are my goals:

Steps - Pedometer. I move alot during the day but interested to see what an average day is for me.

Resistance Training - This will be 4 to 5 times a week for me. I don't miss workouts very much at all so this will be no problem.

Mobility/Stretching - I need to be more consistent here and I would love to do this with my hubby so excited about this piece. Starting with basic plan and will build from there.

Education/Enrichment - I am a fairly new personal trainer (under 1 year in the field). I do all I can to read blogs, articles, books or listen to podcasts daily. Will also see if there are other subjects that I would like to read about to expand my knowledge.

Cooking - Have slacked off on cooking recently so will like the added focus. Should be able to hit this 5 to 6 times in a week.

Food Tracking - This drives me crazy. I tend to go alittle batty/obsessive when I start tracking numbers/food. Still I will do my best here. I might do it some off and some on.

Charity - Interested in finding all kinds of different outlets for this.

Progress - From my current goals:

1) Daily mediation practice - 10 min/day

2) 7 full pull ups with light band or 4 with out band

3) finish 21 day kettlebell challenge

4) 142/19% body fat.

5) Schedule a community fitness event

Outside World - I do usually get outside but will be conscious of increasing time out.

Fear Depletion - I am scared of food at the moment...or rather my lack of control around it. Trying something today to explore the control. Scheduling some community fitness events (what if no one shows!!) There are some clear things here I can do and will look for more opportunities to step up when I am feeling fear.

I have been having a great time this week seeing how I can step in to this challenge. Opportunities have been opening up all over the place for me and I LOVE IT!

First official check in is tomorrow!!

Challenge yourself!!!

Where ever you go...there you are

I have been giving a great deal of thought to goals recently. Several incidents helped me focus on goal thinking: the ending of my jillfit plan, attending a meditation workshop, a goal discussion with my Lulu Lemon friends and finally some inspiring conversations with my best girl friends. I am sure more blog posts will follow that came out of those inspiring events but this one talks about the why behind the goals.

I was thinking about my 18% body fat goal. I never could answer in a complete enough way for me why I wanted to hit this. Yes, I want to look hot. I want to be lean and muscular. I want to have people look at me and need to use the words "ripped" or "diesel" to describe me. :)

I was way transfixed on the number but it seemed like the more I drove toward it the further away I was getting. What was I hoping would happen at that number? What would being at 18% body fat mean? Was I holding on a hope that something magical would happen if I hit that number? Would I suddenly look in the mirror and be completely at peace with my body? Would my struggle with food be over? Would opportunity open up that I didn't have before at 19% body fat?

Nope. I would just be me... at a lower body fat number. I would have days that I felt like I look awesome and days where I am completely unsatisfied at the reflection looking back at me. I would still want to eat copious amounts of peanut butter. My friends would (and do) love me at what ever body fat percentage I am at. The only opportunities that will open up for me are the ones that I actively pursue.

Have you ever felt attached to a goal like this? If only I had the money then I would....., If only I were 15 lbs lighter than life would be drastically different, if only I weren't stuck in this dead end job or relationship...., if only.. if only....

When you understand the why you want the goal, it helps you be clearer in decisions that you need to make. It helps you to understand the person you are. It made lead you in a different direction all together. Your goal of losing 15 lbs to have your life get better might be better resolved by having a goal of working on self esteem and self confidence.

But you know what, no matter what income level, new relationship, new job or the number on the scale you still have the same you. The same patterns that drive you, the same responses you respond with, the same triggers that you trigger you all of it will be with you, and all the things that make you happy, sad and mad. If you want to make BIG changes in your life, think about changing those kinds of things. THAT is amazing and transforming.

Round 2 the Lessons Learned

My goal for my 2nd 12 week fat loss plan was 18% body fat and to be able to run the recent 10k here in Richmond - wearing running shorts and a sports bra to be able to show off some impressive abs.

My results? Scale is about the same; I am about an inch smaller around my waist and butt, body fat is in the 20-22% range.

Admittedly I am disappointed I am not where I thought I would be. It is a drag to set a goal and then not hit it. Who do I have to hold responsible for this? Me! It was all in my hands to succeed or fail.

Of course from failure, must come learning.

What I learned:

- Every one struggles. How quickly you get back up is the important thing.

- Fatigue - My worst enemy, keeps me from working hard in the gym and makes me feel like I am hungry. I still have more to learn around this issue. I had deep fatigue during several weeks of this plan. Was it diet? Was it over training? What else was going on? How can I best work through this obstacle?

- Lifting Heavy is fun. This marked a return to what I had been doing a while back. I hadn't been in the gym in a while so I found going in there fun and inspiring for a while. I definitely gained muscle and saw how much I could push my body

- I need change in my routine. As referenced above, the gym was fun to go in to ....until it wasn't. About week 5 , I was really struggling with getting myself there and doing the same workout routine again. There were weeks I did my best to stay the course and other times I opened it up and just played.

- Eating a non-carb centered diet feels routine now. That makes me happy. When I started 6 months ago, I was a cereal for breakfast, rice for lunch, pasta for dinner and more cereal before bed kind of girl. Now, proteins and veggies make up most of my meals. I struggle less around choosing the healthy option at meal times.

I even made it through a gluten episode with out bingeing or drinking! I was thrilled. Usually when I feel tired and depressed (when I have had gluten) I want carbs and/or alcohol in the worst way. This time I just fueled with the good stuff - veggies and protein. That made me happy.

I was hoping to be leaner by this time but I am not. I was hoping to make it all the way through my 12 week plan with out a binge but I did not. I am happy I have learned and grew through the experience.

I still want to get leaner. I do not want to give up that goal. It is so much a part of the vision of who I am. I am taking a break from being on a plan for a few weeks and stop being as focused on the body fat number for the moment. Then I will hop back in as focused as ever!!