How Do you Know?

How do you know if you need to give up on a goal?

I have dubbed each of the last 3 years "The Year of the Abs".   I was sure in each of those years I would have abs worthy of showing off.  Those of you who see me in person can attest to the fact that I have never come close to meeting that goal. I am planning for another year ahead and wanting it to be big as I turn 40 in September.  I am desperately afraid of it being too late for me to be super fit.  I am also desperately afraid of failing again.

I have heard people say you have to want it bad enough.  I feel like I do. I dream about it.  Touching my stomach is the first thing I do in the morning - in case it has gotten flatter or to remind me where I am in relation to where I want to be. I feel like it is always at the top of what I want and what I am missing in my life.
But maybe I don't want it bad enough to pursue it to the detriment of other things that I want in my life. I am not one of those fiercely competitive, win at all costs people. As a matter of fact, I tend to feel bad when I win. In telling my husband about sprints we were running at CrossFit one day. I was like "yeah I felt bad I totally beat this girl on the first heat".  He asked me why in the world I would feel bad about that. I didn't know. I am also not one of those people who can sacrifice it all to meet a goal.  I like to be comfy. I don't do well with strict guidelines. I tend to crash and burn. But is not that I don't like putting in the hard work. I crossfit for pete's sake. I have run 2 marathons and 6 halfs and completed 'probably the world's toughest race' the Tough Mudder.  I can get the hard stuff done.

I work to be knowledgeable. I hired a nutrition coach for 6 months. I had very good success here and probably the best abs I have ever had but they were no where near  "working out in a sports bra only" worthy.  I read what ever I can get my hands out about working out and nutrition. I don't eat gluten and I am probably 85% paleo compliant (cream in my tea and a glass of wine are my last hold outs).

I have let the goals come and go. If there is no consequence for not meeting it then who cares if I miss it? If I continually disappoint myself, why does it matter if there is one more disappointment?

Am I sounding whiny yet?  Yeah - I am probably a bit in my pity pot.

In examining this particular area for goals this year I am wondering what I should do.  How do you know if a goal you set is not something you are really capable of? Maybe mentally I just don't have the grit to get it done.  How do I get peace around that?  In thinking about why this goal is important to me - what would it mean if I accomplished this? My sister asked me - what would it mean if I didn't have the beautiful ripped abs that I want? I don't know.

One of my goals for the year is to better hear the stories that I tell myself. You know those insidious messages that echo in our head telling us things we think are true about ourselves but really are just tenacious patterns that can be changed.

• Maybe there is a story here that I need to hear and to change.
• Maybe I need a date goal that really matters (stepping on stage, a CF competition, wearing a bikini on the beach on my 40th bday and having to take a pic to be shared on facebook - regardless of how it looks).  
• Maybe I just need to appreciate the strong healthy body that I have and stop wishing that it looked like something else. 

How do you know?