Round 2 the Lessons Learned

My goal for my 2nd 12 week fat loss plan was 18% body fat and to be able to run the recent 10k here in Richmond - wearing running shorts and a sports bra to be able to show off some impressive abs.

My results? Scale is about the same; I am about an inch smaller around my waist and butt, body fat is in the 20-22% range.

Admittedly I am disappointed I am not where I thought I would be. It is a drag to set a goal and then not hit it. Who do I have to hold responsible for this? Me! It was all in my hands to succeed or fail.

Of course from failure, must come learning.

What I learned:

- Every one struggles. How quickly you get back up is the important thing.

- Fatigue - My worst enemy, keeps me from working hard in the gym and makes me feel like I am hungry. I still have more to learn around this issue. I had deep fatigue during several weeks of this plan. Was it diet? Was it over training? What else was going on? How can I best work through this obstacle?

- Lifting Heavy is fun. This marked a return to what I had been doing a while back. I hadn't been in the gym in a while so I found going in there fun and inspiring for a while. I definitely gained muscle and saw how much I could push my body

- I need change in my routine. As referenced above, the gym was fun to go in to ....until it wasn't. About week 5 , I was really struggling with getting myself there and doing the same workout routine again. There were weeks I did my best to stay the course and other times I opened it up and just played.

- Eating a non-carb centered diet feels routine now. That makes me happy. When I started 6 months ago, I was a cereal for breakfast, rice for lunch, pasta for dinner and more cereal before bed kind of girl. Now, proteins and veggies make up most of my meals. I struggle less around choosing the healthy option at meal times.

I even made it through a gluten episode with out bingeing or drinking! I was thrilled. Usually when I feel tired and depressed (when I have had gluten) I want carbs and/or alcohol in the worst way. This time I just fueled with the good stuff - veggies and protein. That made me happy.

I was hoping to be leaner by this time but I am not. I was hoping to make it all the way through my 12 week plan with out a binge but I did not. I am happy I have learned and grew through the experience.

I still want to get leaner. I do not want to give up that goal. It is so much a part of the vision of who I am. I am taking a break from being on a plan for a few weeks and stop being as focused on the body fat number for the moment. Then I will hop back in as focused as ever!!

What ever is worth having is worth fighting for.

I love when there are words or phrases that grab my attention and make me stop and think. When I find them I often stop and write them on my white board in my kitchen so I can ponder them further.

This week for me the phrase is "What ever is worth having is worth fighting for." Huh. Yeah, that makes total sense. How this fits for me today is my battle with food. Each year at New years, I vow that THIS year will be the year when I conquer my food demons and body issues. Only to find myself saying the same thing again on January 1 of the following year.

Recently I began seeing my therapist again to help me find some peace. I was tired of wasting precious life time and energy on this battle. After lots of patience and listening, she recommended that I see a nutritionist for additional support. A nutritionist? What on earth could she help me with? I clearly know all there is to know. Despite this huge chip on my shoulder, I went anyway...thankfully.

My nutritionist made me feel like I wasn't crazy, that there were some things I could be doing that would help me get back in control and have a healthy relationship with food and myself. Upon my request, she helped me set up a 3 week cleanse - no red meat, no wheat, no dairy, no peanuts, no oranges, no corn and no SUGAR!!! I needed to get the sugar out of my system. I needed to break that cycle.

I am now 2 weeks in and it has been much easier than I had thought. I love filling my body with healthy foods. I love being in control again of what I am eating. I love hearing the voice inside me expressing the need that I have that I would typically fill with food that I can now fill it with what I am really needing. Thankfully too the scale is starting to move down which it has not done in many months.

I want a healthy body. I want to stop wasting my time kicking the crap out of myself for being lazy and undisciplined. I want to then fill that time being joyful, appreciative and filled with love for myself and others. That for me is worth having and that is worth fighting for.