This year has been a big year of mental shifts for me. There are many things I can attribute to why this happened (coaching group, deliberate practice, just getting a wee bit older, etc) but one piece I would like to share about is some books that I have read.
These three books have helped me be different in this world. Happier.
1. Loving What Is by Byron Katie - With her simple set of questions, what she refers to as "The Work" she helps you see that you don't have to believe your thoughts and that arguing with reality causes suffering.
1. Is it True?
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be with out that thought?
I haven't internalized all that this book contains and some of the concepts that she addresses are hard for me to grasp but I get it enough to know that this is an important tool. It has helped me separate reality from my story that I bring to what is happening. Powerful beyond measure. By the way, she gives all of this information away for free on her website.
2. Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life by Ben Tal-Shahar
I have never considered myself a perfectionist. I feel like I am a "good enough" kind of person. However, this book really struck home for me in several ways. It made me see how in certain areas I was setting impossibly high standards that I could never meet and there for living in constant disappointment with myself. It also stated another point which I talked about in more detail in a previous blog post, that there is an assumption that happy people must be happy all the time and that if you are not then you are not really happy. This of course is not true. As obvious as it might be to some, this was a mind blowing realization to me. It allowed me to think that maybe I am a happier person than I thought even though I do have mood swings and get sad. I am happier person on a daily basis with this realization.
3. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - I started this book as more of a "have to" read. It chronicles a writer taking on a one year project to be happier. Every month she has new things to try. As you all may know I am a HUGE fan of running monthly experiments! There are many resolutions that she tries that I like a lot. I think the biggest piece I am taking away however is make time for what you are passionate about and forget results. That is inspiring me to focus on a month of learning new things every day. I am passionate about learning... really for the sake of learning and not to get me anywhere. So I am going to purposely track learning one new thing each day for a month and see how I enjoy that. The forget about results part is pretty interesting too. For me for body image stuff, I had been driving for so long to get six pack abs or a low body fat percentage and I was making myself miserable. Now? I focus on filling up with nourishing food, delightful culinary experiences and challenging my body in ways that bring me joy. I am much happier and you know what? I did NOT balloon up to 200lbs!
What books have brought about big changes in your life?
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